“ Live for the moments you can’t put into words.” –unknown

Have you ever stopped and just observed the world around you for a bit?  I’m not talking about listening to gossip about this or that, I am talking about observing the moments people are experiencing from around you.

Moments like….

Driving by as a young woman held a hand of an old man taking a morning stroll…

Watching as different people took their degrees and walked over a threshold to the future….

Receiving simple 140 character messages that say more than 1400…

Sharing in the success of a friend who just published their book…

Catching a glimpse of a rainbow before a thunderstorm…

And moments like tonight, after a long week I convinced my sister to get out her guitar and we just sang our hearts out…

Moments that I can’t put into words are moments like that. 

I pictured when we were kids and we would make up silly games so we could stay up longer…

“ Goodnight Jimmy…”

Playing Batman and Catwoman using moms’ slips and sheets….

The banana clips she always wore in her hair full or ringlets…

The Ninja turtle collection she owned…

We’ve been through a lot, and tonight it was as if so many words were being spoken through the entire room. All the things we’ve always wanted to share with each other, and all the things we wish we would have kept to ourselves…

The sad moments, and the joys…

These are the moments friends…

Breathe them in…

They don’t last forever…

I was raised to love. We all were. But we don’t’ all know it.
I didn’t know it. Love had to find me and show me.

It is our real purpose in this life. Beyond it all.

God taught me that love comes in different ways, and I’ve learned most from
Him these last few years then anything I could ever read in a self-help book,
and I had to search for myself beyond 1 Corinthians 13.

Love comes with sacrifice, we may not want to give up
something, but it was shown to me the beauty that resulted from it.

Love comes with patience, we may feel like we need things to
change in the moment, but what I’ve learned most is that the changes in my own
heart outweighed the changes in the moments. The wait was worth it.

Love is present, and the best of us is only a result of the love shown to us.
God loves us so much that He takes time to show us He loves us by how we
can recognize His presence in our lives. There is nothing more amazing then
realizing His footprints in our lives.

Love takes all forms and it depends on where its needed in how its given.

I think for one, listening shows a lot of love.
Just knowing someone can hear you out,and can just be there in the rough times.
Just literally listening and giving little advice.
Sometimes that is the best love you can show to anyone.
Emptying the heart of the pressure
of life, and “ pushing the reset button” by our tears.
We just sometimes need to do it.

I think words show a lot of love too, but in how they are spoken.
It is so easy to mean well in saying something, but it depends on the situation
and the person in how it is taken.
Sometimes words can only be spoken by being unspoken.

Love is truthful, telling someone something with complete honesty
and with your heart is so good.
People need to be let in or let down on something gently.
Truth in love is a beautiful thing.

Love is creative, it never comes at the times we truly expect it.
It may take for of a stranger on the street who hands you their last $20 bill,
A ministry who blesses you with tickets to an event,
A friend who wants to treat you on their birthday,
a gift that someone thought you would love
just because, The workplace where someone taught you value in yourself,
A rainbow in the sky that reminds us of God’s promise,
A movie that says just the right words or story, A song with
the perfect lyrics…it takes all forms.

We are shown love.
It starts with God.
This world has taken God out of it,
and makes us feel as if we are loving from a distance.
Like we have to search for it.
Like there is a new way of having to go about it.

Love hasn’t changed.
It was created by God.
It is us who have changed
what it is.

I’m not going to go through the list of what love is not,
because we already have an idea.

But I will just end saying…

Love IS.

That’s the place you will find me if you are looking for me.
I’m somewhere in a far off desert. I don’t think I really noticed it until now.
But when things disappear before your eyes in your life in sudden ways,
you learn to realize that it was just a mirage. It was not real enough to stay
permanently. It wasn’t real enough to be part of the calling or purpose God has for
my life.

Jeremiah 29:11 (The Message)

This is GOD’s Word on the subject: “As soon as Babylon’s seventy years are up and not a day before, I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

I heard before that Moses was possibly the writer of the book of Genesis, and I think it is just
amazing to me how he was probably in the desert himself with no sense of God’s creation around
him except the blazing sun. It just seems like such a disconnect there. Could it really be that easy to
write about the beginning of the world when all you see around you seems like an empty
and desolate place?

Genesis 1:3-5 (The Message)

First this: God created the Heavens and Earth—all you see, all you don’t see. Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness. God’s Spirit brooded like a bird above the watery abyss.

3-5 God spoke: “Light!”
And light appeared.
God saw that light was good
and separated light from dark.
God named the light Day,
he named the dark Night.
It was evening, it was morning—

While this is encouraging to know in the deep part of the heart that Moses, and Paul and so many
other wrote God’s Word during the worst moments of their life, I also wish they would have expounded
a little on those moments. Where they were as they wrote certain things. I just think it would take on a whole new emphasis on the way we see them and the way we view God.

I say all this because I am writing you in my own worst moments.

I have learned that there are more than just a few different kind of wildernesses.
And its based purely on what we need to learn for the step God wants us to take.

I think it is about steps. My mom once drew for me stairs on a piece of paper.
On each step she would write down something I should accomplish before the next step.
I think I might have been just out of Kindergarten. We went through each step on the journey of
life all the way up to graduation.
I think it would be a good idea to visualize the wilderness in the same way with God.
What does He have written on the step ahead of us.
But more importantly; What do we need to accomplish first?

I am doing the “ One in a Million” study by Priscilla Shirer, and something so profound was noticed in the Word. God could have sent the Isrealites an easier, straight shoot way to the next place. However, He chose the wilderness, because He feared if it was too easy for them to get to, they would see the war ahead and turn back to Egypt. Turn back to slavery.

Exodus 13:17

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” 18 So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea.[a] The Israelites went up out of Egypt ready for battle.

This spoke volumes to me, because the wilderness taught them to be determined;
To not allow themselves to be beaten down by the journey,
but to learn from it.

A thought occurred to me this morning as I was doing my morning studying.

I am now well out of my 20’s. I am 2 years away from the age Jesus was when he started ministry.

I am not sure if I am biblically correct on this, but I’m going to suggest that Jesus could have been
my age when he was tempted by Satan in the desert.

Luke 4:1-4 (NIV)

Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness,2 where for forty days he was tempted[a] by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry.
3 The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.”
4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone.’[b]”

Why I suggest that is this wilderness feels different. I already have all the knowledge God has allowed
me to have to this point about His Word, and about Him. But there was something extra.

I wasn’t angry at God this time around by any means, I wasn’t questioning Him and asking WHY things had happened the way they had. I think half of it was I knew the reasoning, but this time taking it all deeper. This time it is about really growing. This time in this wilderness I feel Him with me.

Exodus 14:21-22(NIV)

By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night. 22 Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people.

This is what I’m learning in this time so far, God wants me to leave the child that I used to be here in the wilderness.
He is giving me responsibilities, personally and spiritually. I am seeing everything in such a different light.

1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
I almost feel in this learning time that I am being given a gift. A gift He has had in His possession before I was born. I feel like He is giving me my own life, that He is ready to place in my hands and trust me with what He wants to give to my life, and show me.

Jeremiah 33:3(NIV)
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’

No gift is without a price of course.

I know He has better planned.

So no matter how much the wind and sand burn my face and eyes.
No matter how many blisters I get on the soles of my feet.

This journey is worth it.

I have seen Him. I recognize Him. He wants His influence to radiate on me into this world.

1 Corinthians 13:12(NIV)
For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

I have hesitated to write this post for at least the last few weeks.
I thought maybe it should just be something between me and God.
I thought maybe I could just journal it and be done with it.
I thought perhaps my computer battery didn’t have enough juice
and then I wouldn’t have to write it…
Of course I was wrong on all of it.

My truest weakness as a believer that I need God to constantly work in me on is
TOXIC PEOPLE.

I have spent a great deal of my life letting the wrong people in:
I trusted them, and they would use it against me.
I encouraged them, and they would act as if I never said a word.
I related to them, and they would act like we were so different.
I spoke to them about God, and they would tell me that I never had
any influence on their belief.
I was always there for them, but when I needed them I only received
a cold shoulder.

When I thought I was building them up,
what I didn’t realize was they were slowly
breaking me down.

They blamed me for their problems.
They ridiculed me.
They mocked my faith in God.
They manipulated me.
They put me down.
They always looked for a way to hurt my heart.

People like that suck the life right out of us.

My heart has certainly taking quite a beating from these kind of people
over the years, so much so…
I find it hard to let ANYONE in.

I’m truly a work in progress in this area, because I keep running into those people.
Even a relationship I was in that I thought was real, and that God was truly leading
every step ended up being a mirage. It wasn’t real.

As much as I would love to give advice and help in this area to you the reader,
I have to tell you that I don’t have the answers other than to keep your distance
from people who want to “fix” you, or want to “ own” you…

I mean we are not Bella from “ Twilight” we do not need an Edward in our life
that keeps us so close we cannot breathe. We don’t need relationships like that.
and of anykind.

We need people in our lives that build us up.
We need people in our lives that look for the best in us.
We need people in our lives that encourage our faith.
We need people in our lives that speak in love.
We need people in our lives who truly care.
We need people in our lives who speak for us.

We need people that help us on the rough journey of dealing
with the toxic world around us.

I think what I’m learning though is that distance from toxic people means
that we might have to distance ourselves from things we love.
Compromise is not in God’s plan.

My heart beat in all of this is to let God lead me to those who are supposed
to be in my life. Who really, really want to be an example of grace, and love.

I’m sure this post could have a part two, but right now this is the energy I can give
to this first one.

I pray that if you have dealt with this in your life too, that this post would help you
take a stand and say…

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

My God! Rescue me from my enemies, defend me from these mutineers. Rescue me from their dirty tricks, save me from their hit men.
-Psalms 59:1-2 (MSG)

I’m a real “words” girl. I love quotes, song lyrics, and scripture. I’m the weird girl who likes to read words people write in bathroom stalls, and who finds the most interesting places to write: Styrofoam cups, gum wrappers etc.

Words fall deep into my soul. When I read or listen to something powerful, it makes its own home inside of my heart. It becomes part of me. It helps me to get through the day. It becomes direct encouragement to my future. Sometimes the words lead me into my future…the next step.

Something so powerful was spoken to me a week or so ago. It came at the time when I should have been the most discouraged that I could have been. I was in the middle of processing the day events.
And without really going into detail I will share that I did not get a position in something I really thought I wanted.

If I could go back and look at the timeline, and not the physical one, but the spiritual one I’d say that this moment marked the next step for me.

If you have followed my journey for the first time today, or before now, then you will know that God has been preparing me for leadership. The ultimate journey is a leader who is also a communicator.
And I’ve been struggling preparing myself for it. I mean the focus was there, but my heart just kept some lingering hesitation. I didn’t know why.

I was speaking to someone after I found out about the position, and they said to me,
” You are a great leader, and you are a great communicator…It’s who you are.”

Four words at the end of that statement pushed me forward. ” It’s who you are.”

For the first time in my life, at the moment where it felt like it was a failed opportunity, it was actually a ” GO” from God. It was actually as if I finally had permission to do exactly what was stated.

I do my best to communicate.
I do my best to lead by example.

Those words encouraged me so much that they are actually on a notecard at my job. To remind myself.

It’s indeed a hard place to be at though. I mean who can lead with no one to lead?

IT’S WHO I AM.

I was thinking of Jesus today. When he was 12 yrs old and teaching to adults.
I mean yes, he was the son of God so I’m sure what he taught them was effective, but
in another way I was thinking, Who listens to a 12 year old regardless of their position?

It’s interesting to me how Jesus didn’t actually start ministry until he was in his 30′s.

Maybe he had the words at 12 years old. But maybe in his 30′s he had the knowledge and experience
to back up the words spoken.

It’s just something I’m suggesting, but in context, I can see it.

I think the bottom line is words are powerful, but if they are spoken and we miss what is being said. Then we miss our next step.

We miss our direction.

So the next time that you feel like you aren’t quite where you should be think of the words spoken to me,
” It’s Who You Are.”

God will take it from there.

” Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don’t see many of “the brightest and the best” among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn’t it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these “nobodies” to expose the hollow pretensions of the “somebodies”? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That’s why we have the saying, “If you’re going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God.”
(1 Corinthians 1:26-31, The Message)

” I don’t want to go somewhere
If I know that You’re not there
‘Cause I know that me without You is a lie
And I don’t want to walk that road
Be a million miles from home
‘Cause my heart needs to be where You are
So I don’t want to go…” – Avalon

” That I may be found in him…”
(Philipians 3:9)

I was laying down on my bed going through old Youtube videos on my television. It’s like looking back at old photos of my past. My favorites at the time, and what songs, or messages really dug deep into my heart.
I came across Beth Moore and the message, ” God’s Purpose for Your Life.”- Part 3.
And I have heard it before, but this time was a little different, because of what I’m struggling with:

I’m struggling with ME. I’m struggling with putting myself aside and going after what He has for me.

Part of me doesn’t want to lose who I used to be. Because part of me thinks I’m not ready to be that ME.

So as I laid here thinking and listening to the video, and then different music I thought of Philipians 3:8…and that what God has for ME, absolutelty has NOTHING to do with me.

THAT I MAY BE FOUND IN HIM!!!!

At the end of the day, regardless of how successful I feel, or how many mistakes I might have made; regardless of, how many people I dealt with that were difficult, how much traffic I encountered, and what job I did during the day…

IT ALL GOES BACK TO HIM.

I had something interesting happen this week. I have something I’m preparing for, and I bought a book on that particular thing to help me. And I did listen to it here and there. But then I stopped.
WELL, someone sent me something in email to help me, and because of the source of where it came from it really spoke volumes to me when I saw this person sent me a portion of the audiobook in hardcopy form!!!

It was as if God had said, ” I’m giving you the tools, now the question is our you going to utilize them?”

My success is not found in me, My success is found in Christ…it always goes back to Him.

And understand this when I say I really struggle with pushing myself out of the way for God to use me. But I think its just something He knows about me, and is helping me to overcome.

I am going to say something from my own heart to you that may need to hear it like I did:
You are beautiful, You are successful, You are courageous, You are intelligent, You are compassionate…
YOU CAN BE USED.

Just bring the focus back to where you are found….because its the only place you will be.

In Him.

Start something beautiful…self confidence

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

I have debated whether or not I would speak about the whole controversy that has started with Kirk Cameron’s interview about gay rights.
And I’ve decided I’m not going to speak about his interview, because I haven’t seen the whole thing.
However, I am going to share my point of view.

I think there is a lot in this world going on. I think some of it is over our heads. I think it was supposed to be. I think it was meant to be. I think God knew all along what every moment, every change, new life, death, happiness, struggle and every devastation would be.

With that said…

I think that I have the opinion that I believe that marriage should be saved for a man and a woman, but I’m surely not going to stand on the sidewalk with big signs against it.

As Christians it is important to remember -
God asks us to defend Him, He doesn’t ask us to beat people with the Word.

We have to remember to choose our battles.

Jesus sat with all sorts of people. He met a woman at a well from a completely different culture, A woman who was stricken by her sin that fell at his feet for forgiveness, A thief on a cross, and He spoke through people like Paul, who killed Christians.

I just think as people we miss the point. I think as people that while we have the label as ” Christians”, that we often forget what that really means.
We are not Christians, because of what we think the Bible says. We are Christians, because we know the life of Jesus, and that He died on the cross for our sins.
I am not going to pick and choose what I think the Bible says either. I clearly remember Genesis and the story of Sodom and Gammorah, but I’m not going to sit here and say that it was because of homosexuality that God destroyed the city.

I think that God knows our hearts. I think HE knows exactly who we are.

And with that said…

When it comes to gay rights that I don’t understand why there is so much emphasis on being ” heard.”
I also think I’m just baffled as to WHY as soon as someone has the chance that they bash Christians, because they THINK they know what their view is.

What it comes down to is you can’t force people to believe in what they don’t.
Just because you DO.

I love people. I love ALL people. I have friends who are gay just as:
I have friends that are a different religion from me.
I have friends that are different age then me.
I have friends who drink different soft drinks then me.
I have friends that have different education then me.
I have friends who enjoy different shows then me.
I have friends who like different music then me….

But just because its different does not mean that there is any reason to speak up and tell them its wrong.
We are entitled to our own beliefs.

Whatever they are.

And I think this is where the conversation comes down to the golden rule.

I think that we have a country that was built on equal rights. We have fought hard as a nation for this.
I saw the movie, ” The Help,” the other night about the civil rights for blacks.

And I could add that I walked into a church before with all black people, and thought it would be awesome and amazing, but they spent half the time talking about how the blacks should overpower the white.

There is always going to be something…Someone is always going to take something to the extreme.
People don’t agree. People want to speak out. People feel like if they don’t say something that it means they don’t care what they believe in.

NOT TRUE.

It hurts my heart to see people hurt others with their words, or do all they can to limit their rights as humans. We all are entitled to having a life of peace, and we are all entitled to having the respect of others.

But I do think that gay’s spend too much time trying to keep themselves “separate” from the rest of the world, as if they are a completely different culture of people.
I think they act as if they are “hated” when on most sides they are not. I think the same people who have a real problem with them, are the same people who have a problem with everything else.

But again,
its about respect.

I respect that people have a different lifestyle, out of respect for them personally.
I don’t agree with it, but its not about me.

It’s not going to define who I am at the end of the day.

It’s more important to spend time teaching people to know God’s love through my actions daily.

I’m here to love.

UNCONDITIONALLY.

 And that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life..” (Deuteronomy 30:20)

I love the song, ” Healer,” and I’ve actually had it on repeat most of the day.
” Nothing is impossible for you, Nothing is impossible for you…You hold my world in your hands.”
Those lyrics just hit my heart so deeply, and I seriously feel tears well up from the depth of my soul.

HE HOLDS OUR WORLD IN HIS HANDS

Everything we are. Everything we do. All that we say. All that we write.

He has the control.

I think there are times when you listen to a song and depending on how you feel will be on how it hits you.

I REALLY need the reminder of how NOTHING is impossible for our God. I mean its so easy to say I BELIEVE it…but its another to TRUST it.

I have spent so much of my life worried on how I might not quite make it as far as others.
I wrote a poem in college that said, ” I guess I’ll wear Vaseline on my teeth so my smile never fades.”

But I’m not that girl anymore.

I’m not that girl anymore, because God decided to smack me upside the head one day, spiritually speaking.
I truly believe that God gets tired of our whining. I truly believe that because this life isn’t really about us that He is not going to sit there and let our opportunities pass by without a fight.
” The Lord your God will fight for you, You need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:14)

But my world is in His hands. And He is not going to crush it by forgetfulness, or because it’s not perfect…

He will never forget me, and I walk towards perfection one day at a time.