LSOF: Memories and a Journey

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I received a text from my sweet friend Fran today, and it simply said this:
“ Colorado will do your heart good!”

My friend knows my story well, and I’m going back to visit in 3 days!
You’d have to know me a little bit to know why this visit is a huge to me.

I want to share first the huge reason I know God opened the door to bless me to go back to visit Colorado, and that was to meet my friend Joanne Heim. She had a stroke Jan 2011, and she has been in recovery since. We text back and forth about how we really feel about life at the moment, and we’ve shared some struggles in different context. It was after seeing we had written similar blog posts that got me to realize God was leading me back there again, and I did not have a clue that He would give me that opportunity. It has been a true blessing to know that He did.
I’m also going to see my sweet siestas Holly and Kate too, and I have no doubt it is going to be such fun times!
Colorado just has such a special place in my heart with real special people that live there!

This next thing I want to share is why Colorado is ultimately my favorite place, and why I feel God literally placed blessings in giftwrap just for me when I went the first time:

It all started when I was in high school reading, “ Rachel’s Tears,” the story of Rachel Scott.
My Pastor had come up to me at church and said he was thinking of me one morning, and of course I asked him, why, and he replied, “ Because I was thinking of Rachel Scott, you remind me of her.”
I previously had her name in my mind after going to Aquire the Fire, and I felt led to read about her.
She was so similar to me. Her heart for God was so loving, and so faithful. She had the same fears of being different that I had, and not feeling like she fit in. She was a writer like me. Like me she would spend hours just writing to God, just telling Him about her day, her inner thoughts, and her struggles with life and her own faith. When I first read the book, I was so amazed, because I had not ever known anyone in my life that could relate to my own story as much as hers did.
I read the first and second books…and then I became apart of the Rachel Scott message board and met some people who were also encouraged by Rachel’s story, but what I loved so much about it was we all became friends, we all were a support system. I eventually was asked to be a board moderator, which I really enjoyed, because I took off a little bit of a burden from the webmaster, and some of Rachel’s family who also moderated.
Valerie Haile- King was actually one of those friends I met over the message board. She didn’t talk much, but I just felt led to talk to her more. We emailed over and over, and eventually had our 2hr phone calls.
She was actually Rachel’s friend, and amazing enough, we related beyond that completely. Val has been there for me many times, and I’ve been able to be there for her. Who would have thought that through Rachel’s story that it would bring me miles all the way to Colorado to meet a new friend.
I found myself visiting Colorado when out of the blue I receive a call from my mentor who asked me if I would be interested in a job proposition, she said the only catch was moving out to Colorado.
I didn’t take the job, but obviously I felt very led to visit. So I went, and it was beyond awesome.
I got to meet Val. Last time I was there we walked through Columbine, and she introduced me to Rachel at the cemetery. We also spent a few minutes praying. It was such a sweet moment.
One of my favorite things she has ever said to me,
“ Ang, you do more for people in a day, then most care to do in a month.”

It’s a friendship that I really believe would not have been there if not for God.

Flash forward, its 2011, Val is married, and she has a child.
We get to see each other again as adults, as people with career-minded lives.
We get to talk about our similar job positions. We get to talk about anything.
We get to talk, because God opened the door for me to visit again.

LSOF: Different Places, Similar Progress

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My heart has really been given some wisdom lately when it comes to people.
We are truly all in different places in our walks.
It also occurred to me that different places in our walk didn’t mean necessarily further.

I tried to wear my Sketcher Shape-ups the other morning, and let me just say they live up to their name, ouch would be a total understatement. I only made it around the block before I just couldn’t take the pain in my calves anymore. I made it to the front door, only to be sure to throw them across the room, and off of my pitiful, and might I add, Out of shape, feet.

It made me upset with myself just a bit, because I have allowed myself to get to this state.

I have a job that has me sit down for 8 hrs a day, and I’ve been doing it now almost a year. It is an amazing job, but muscles wear down when they are not used for a long period of time.

It isn’t my job’s fault that I haven’t used my muscles forever.

I think it is similar when it comes to life situations. When things happen to us, we can’t always deal with it like any other time. Sometimes things are so heavy on our shoulders that we are just too worn out to take a moment to just see the purpose of where we are. There is alway a bigger picture.

When we first get back on our feet after being in a pit for a long period of time, it is hard.
This is why you see Pastor’s and other people in position take a break for awhile, its not that they did something wrong, and its not that they no longer want the position, its just that God has asked for some time to reflect and re-evaluate somethings. Sometimes personal, sometimes the view from our side of everything on the outside.

The pit makes you take a look at your life and see that you are in a place and you are to find the purpose from the place you stand now.

I think people have a tendency to look at those who have had rough times, and had the perception that the person just doesn’t have as much faith as they used to, but please if you are one of those people; know that it is in the rough time God makes us stronger.

I learned this walk really is about gaining wisdom, and within the places we feel we are too weak, God has made another area that is unexpected, stronger.

We are not meant to handle everything on our shoulders at once, We cannot be like Atlas, and I believe that is why there is always something weak God is working to make stronger.

We forget that in the situations we go through that we are indeed learning something essential, but it isn’t in anything anyone tells us, but what God shows us.

I am one who has had the opportunity to allow God to do some crazy things in my life, meet people, and visit some places that seem unbelievable to some, to which I actually sat down and asked someone,
” Am I the one doing this?” and the reply I got was,
” It’s too weird to be you, it has to be God.”

I’ve felt pretty inadequate on several occassions when it comes to people. I guess I always let my insecurities bully me into a corner, and many times I let them hold me there.
I’ve compared myself to those who seem better than me, or know better than me.

It was as if God held my face one day and said, ” LOOK CLOSER.”

I got to see for myself that those who appeared to have it all, they were missing more than I knew.
I got to see their insecurities, and sadly, I watched them fall apart.
It took them off the pedastal I had them on.

I’ve shared a lot about different places we find ourselves in, but something else to know is even though you find yourself where you are, we are all working with similar progress.

We are all working one step at a time, one day at a time, to accomplish our personal and professional goals.

We stop our progress when we let the insecurities in our lives get in the way. We have to just keep walking, fall a little, but learn from the bruises we receive.

We need to encourage one another more, and keep ourselves all in check with how far we’ve come.

Just because progress seems small in your eyes, it might mean the world to someone else.

The dynamic of who God created us to be is found in the moments we struggle in.

He knows we are going to question Him, He knows we are going to fall flat on our face at times…

He also knows that we will come out of everything victorious.

Pain truly is gain, whether you believe it or not.

I’ll leave you with a verse that smacked me clear in the face this week:

2 John 1:8 (NIV, 1984)
“Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully.”

LSOF: Heart Wisdom

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There was a simulcast this weekend, with an amazing message. If you want to check it out, see earlier posts.

I always try to get an underlying message for myself to hear. One that doesn’t necessarily come through from the speaker audibly.

The message for me was that I don’t need to be a scholar to be able to share wisdom with the world about Jesus. What He has done in my life, and who I’ve come to know Him as, I personally do not think could be found in any research article. There are just somethings that cannot be studied.

And its those accounts that one experiences on their own, when the pen and paper are put away, when the cameras are gone, and when the crowd has better things to do…

I sat with a lady during the simulcast who I shared about my experience with the pit and that you can indeed be put in it due to obedience.

Her eyes got wide, and she sort of seemed to let out a breath of deep relief.

I don’t know what it was that she had gone through, but it was at that moment she needed to hear that she wasn’t alone, and that she was doing in her life what was God’s purpose.

My experiences with pain and Him restoring me, have taught me to not be ashamed what I should share with anyone. We all have darkness that has been apart of our lives. It is through knowing darkness exists that we will search to find the light.

I want to share that I have deep respect and esteem for Beth Moore. I’ve done many of her studies, but I learned we had something more in common. She got to know Jesus more through her pain. Knowing that has helped me to love on others with my story. There are still areas where pain exists in my life, but I had to learn that God’s healing overshadows it.

God loves me. God cares for me. God protects me. God delivers me. God knows where I am. God understands how I feel. God changes me. God restores me. God heals me. God will be the only one that will help me live my life victoriously.

Someone told me a few months back that I helped restore their faith in God, and without sharing much more I’ll say that now she wants nothing to do with God.

My heart has taught me that when it comes to God, you have to work at knowing Him. You have to work at loving Him, and trusting Him. There are no quick fixes.

We go through the fires in life, because we need to get burned. We need to experience that God binds up our wounds.

I’m sad for those who choose what is temporary instead of true hope.
My pain was real, but because of it, I know my faith is real.
So all those scholars out there, who think they have all the answers…
I can assure you they don’t…

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…”
(Proverbs 3:5)

Sept. 10th, 2011, Living Proof Live Simulcast: ” We Also”- Session #3: Points 5-7

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5. We can revel in the certainty of the things that we have been taught.

Luke 1:1-4 taught- ” Katecheo” sounds like, “cathicism.”

We can get wrapped up and forget we are there to know God.

2 Timothy 1:12
12 That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.

Eugene Peterson- John 1:4
4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.

-our faith is based on fact.

John 20:29
29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

” The more you need Him the more you’ll see Him revealed.”

Most things we know from the Bible happened in 40 days- (Jesus, Acts 1:4)

4 On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about.

Eating- ” synalizo”- together, or to salt.
We are called to fellowship.

Luke 22:19
19 And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

took it, gave, broke it.

6. Jesus has passed us the salt ALSO.

Acts 1:3
3 After his suffering, he presented himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God.

Acts 28:28-31
28 “Therefore I want you to know that God’s salvation has been sent to the Gentiles, and they will listen!” [29] [a]

30 For two whole years Paul stayed there in his own rented house and welcomed all who came to see him. 31 He proclaimed the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ—with all boldness and without hindrance!

We can also be many convincing proofs that Jesus is alive.

7. God’s salvation has been sent to the Gentiles and they will listen.

- We are called to a life that is unhindered.

- Do what you have to do, to do what you want to do.

- ” He served the Lord without distraction until 84.” ( about Luke.)

We have to write a story where Jesus is the only leading man.

Sept. 10, 2011- Living Proof Live Simulcast: ” We Also”- Session #2, Point 3-4.

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3. God never overlooks a single, ” ME” in a bigger, ” WE”-

Luke penned the book of Luke and Acts, because it seemed to be good to him.

Acts 28:30
30 For two whole years Paul stayed there in his own rented house and welcomed all who came to see him. 31 He proclaimed the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ—with all boldness and without hindrance!

” God can do a whole lot behind locked doors.”

When we think we are there for someone else…
(Luke wrote more verses then any gospel: Luke: 2,157 Paul: 2,032

Luke just decided to write. ” It seemed also good to me.”(Luke 1:1-4)

” If you have a heart to do His will, You will be in His will.”

ALSO TO ME-

We want to be exceptional, special, but NOT also…
but we are called to be, ” If seemed good to me ALSO.”

Examples of vs Beth gave with ” ALSO”-

Luke 12:8, John 10:16, John 14:3, John 14:19, Romans 1:6, Romans 8:30,32, 1 Corinthians 6:14, Ephesians 1:11,13, 2 Timothy 2, 1 Peter 2:5, 1 John 1:3, Colosians 3:4, and 2 Timothy 4:7,8.

Luke wrote the 3, 5 book in the NT.

She reminds us of the Savior that healed the Centurion.

Acts 28:2
2 The islanders showed us unusual kindness. They built a fire and welcomed us all because it was raining and cold.

Luke 1:1-4
1 Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled[a] among us, 2 just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses and servants of the word. 3 With this in mind, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, I too decided to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, 4 so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.

Luke wrote books, not letters.

Luke 1:1 and Acts 1:1-
“Theophilius”–> ” Theos” God, “Philos”-Friend. (friend of God.)

Some scholars believed:
- It was all symbolic, It was a pseudonym–> for others, some believed it was someone he knew.

Luke gave Theophilius an ” Honorific” title.

Luke 7:31-35
31 Jesus went on to say, “To what, then, can I compare the people of this generation? What are they like? 32 They are like children sitting in the marketplace and calling out to each other:

“‘We played the pipe for you,
and you did not dance;
we sang a dirge,
and you did not cry.’

33 For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine, and you say, ‘He has a demon.’ 34 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ 35 But wisdom is proved right by all her children.”

- Compare people of this generation…
- Wisdom is proved right by all her children…
- ” Sometimes you don’t know what is right until it bears out its harvest.”

” You call me friend of Sinners-” (vs. 47)

Luke 7:47
47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

Jesus anointed the sinful woman, but it was the Pharisees that were the sinners.

” Thank God we have a Savior that is drawn to weakness.”

With Jesus, outcast, became insiders.

Beth Moore used an author to describe Luke, It sounded like: U-sib-e-us. But no clue who he is-

He said that Luke knew ” The art of curing souls.”

Luke 5:17

17 One day Jesus was teaching, and Pharisees and teachers of the law were sitting there. They had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was with Jesus to heal the sick.

Luke 5:31
31 Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.


Luke 13:10-16
10 On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, 11 and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. 12 When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” 13 Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.
14 Indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, the synagogue leader said to the people, “There are six days for work. So come and be healed on those days, not on the Sabbath.”

15 The Lord answered him, “You hypocrites! Doesn’t each of you on the Sabbath untie your ox or donkey from the stall and lead it out to give it water? 16 Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?”

 

She ” could not straighten up at all.”

Beth talked about how she understands what its like to not be able to ” straighten up.” She said someone in her life told her she would be pregnant before she was 16.

“Your victory is in His authority.”
Take the thing you are most ashamed of and bring it to the Lord.

Insecurity makes us turn to the left when we want to go to the right.
” Our own hearts will lie to us before anyone.”

Ezekiel 16:4
4 On the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to make you clean, nor were you rubbed with salt or wrapped in cloths.

4. Jesus became a friend of sinners so that we could become a friend of God.

” Grace has been given to you from a whole lot of people, and you are with-holding it from someone.”

- Forgiveness: ” Afe-ame” send some forth by not just action but lifestyle.

1 Corinthians 12:27-30
27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 28 And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30 Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues[d]? Do all interpret? 31 Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.

Love Is Indispensable

And yet I will show you the most excellent way.

 

Love- is to be excellent or honorific; we are called to love.

Luke 1:1-4
1 Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled[a] among us, 2 just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses and servants of the word. 3 With this in mind, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, I too decided to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, 4 so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.

Acts 1:3
3 After his suffering, he presented himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God.

 

Sept. 10, 2011 -Living Proof Live Simulcast: ” We Also” – Session 1, Point #1-2

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Living Proof Live- September 10th 2011…

“ WE ALSO”…

It is A LOT of information, so I am writing out points little at a time, there is a total of 7…and I think we definitely should be able to sink it in a little at a time…the simulcast was a lot!

The opening:

Luke 1:1-4

Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled[a]among us, 2 just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses and servants of the word. 3 With this in mind, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, I too decided to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, 4 so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.

 We learn that Luke is the physician, and wrote the book of Luke, and the book of Acts.

2 Timothy 2:22

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

 We are called to have company with others who call upon Christ.

2 Timothy 4:5-12

5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

 6 For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

 These were the last words to Timothy.

Personal Remarks

 9 Do your best to come to me quickly, 10 for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia. 

 If you have ever been betrayed by a friend, or had abandonment Paul knew what that was like as Demas deserted him.

11 Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry. 12 I sent Tychicus to Ephesus.

 “ Only Luke is with me.” –

Colossians 4:10-14

10 My fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. (You have received instructions about him; if he comes to you, welcome him.) 11Jesus, who is called Justus, also sends greetings. These are the only Jews[a] among my co-workers for the kingdom of God, and they have proved a comfort to me. 12 Epaphras, who is one of you and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends greetings. He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured. 13 I vouch for him that he is working hard for you and for those at Laodicea and Hierapolis. 14 Our dear friend Luke, the doctor, and Demas send greetings.

 This is where we learn that Luke is the physician.

Acts 16:6-7

6 Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. 7 When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to.

 

Acts 16:11-12

11 From Troas we put out to sea and sailed straight for Samothrace, and the next day we went on to Neapolis. 12 From there we traveled to Philippi, a Roman colony and the leading city of that district[a] of Macedonia. And we stayed there several days.

 We see it go from They to WE.

Luke and Paul met in Antioch, because of Paul’s illness.

Christian means, “ Little Christs”-

Galatians 4:12-15

12 I plead with you, brothers and sisters, become like me, for I became like you. You did me no wrong. 13 As you know, it was because of an illness that I first preached the gospel to you, 14 and even though my illness was a trial to you, you did not treat me with contempt or scorn. Instead, you welcomed me as if I were an angel of God, as if I were Christ Jesus himself. 15 Where, then, is your blessing of me now? I can testify that, if you could have done so, you would have torn out your eyes and given them to me.

 “ Alone Together”- Term for social networking, everyone feels more alone then ever.

1. We were created for good company.

“ If we want good company, we have to be good company.”

Have pure heart in relationships.

1 Peter 1:22

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.

 1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

 We go through a cycle confession to destruction over and over.

“ Don’t just read the word, actually try to live it.”

“ Disobedience to God deforms the heart, and as it says in 1 Peter 1:22,

“ Obedience reforms the heart.”

“When we look for people to fellowship with, we need to know those who walk in obedience have souls that have been purified.”

Philippians 1:9-10

9 And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10 so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ…

Love with knowledge.

 End of point 1…..

 

2. Individual calling can only be fulfilled in a “we” context.

None of us were to fulfill our calling on our own.

I don’t have a WEE calling, I have a WE calling.

We have to lose our self-consciousness.

“ We can guard our dignity right out of epiphany.”

“ TCTBB- Too cool to be blessed.”

Luke was a second generation Christian- He wasn’t there for the encounter of Christ from the beginning.

What would happen if we studied the scriptures according to the scriptures? Instead of looking for a scripture that applies to us, what would happen if we just looked at scripture?

“ HERMENEUTIC”

Her-me-neutic- method of principle or interpretation.

Instead of looking for how something applies to us, and doing something for us, instead let us see how it applies to Jesus, and what we are doing, what we are doing for Jesus….what is the true purpose?

What if Jesus was the hermeneutic?

LSOF: ” Coming out of the Dark…”

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As I began writing this post the song, ” Coming out of the Dark.” by Gloria Estefan came to my mind.

It’s quite fitting to say the least.

I spoke last time about my experience with the pit, and now I’d like to share what it is like once I came out of the pit.

My friend and I meet every other week or so to just pray and have conversation about God, and the things He is doing in our lives. And today we focused on God’s attributes and what we know them to be.

I shared that God is merciful and shows us favor by His grace, that we so do not deserve.

I focused on the pit and how when we are obedient and just keep dealing with the thing until its over, then God rewards us by His favor in our lives.

The pit is indeed a rough place to be, but I want to give emphasis to the word PLACE for a moment, because that is really what it is, just a place in a season of our lives.

One of my dear spiritual mentors shared with me in a birthday card how God does not throw us on earth like a pieces on a chessboard, but that he strategically PLACES us where He needs us to be to fulfil His purpose.

The Pit has a Purpose.

So I write this to share with you that favor will come once the purpose of being in the pit is done, but sometimes its also good to realize that God will bless even when we are in the pit. He wants us to recognize He is there and He loves us.

It’s important to look for His fingerprints through the pit. Those little blessings that He leaves for us.

I was sharing this morning with someone that asked me what happened to living in Savannah-

To which I told them that God moved me back to Florida, and I also added that I grieved it, but that

I knew He had a greater purpose than I could see at that time.

For the first time in my life I can tell you I really love my life, and I really have come to know the character of God through my time in the pit.  I learned how He was with me when I flat out cursed Him in my own way. He was merciful, He didn’t look to try to make life worse, but instead He saw how numb I had become from my own emotions, and piece by piece…He started to put me and my life around me together again.

And what is interesting in all this is I didn’t think that I would get out of the pit by God’s help alone, I really thought that others might help me who had experienced it at the same time. I was wrong, and it is why it took me so much longer to get out then it was needed.

We are all a work in progress.

Keypoint I feel I should make in all this: Don’t deny that you are in the pit, don’t deny that something isn’t going the way it should be in your life, Don’t deny that there is something inside of you that you need to re-evaluate with God.

Don’t deny you need healing.

Again, I’m just talking; its just you and I having a conversation over starbucks, and I’m telling you what I experienced.

I want to see you free, because God does.

LSOF: The Truth about the Pit

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It’s been awhile since I’ve really had time to sit down and write a post.  Especially concerning this subject.

THE PIT.

I thought I would write a post on the perception of a pit and have a series, but my heart is telling me to just write without trying to give a message. I think the way we get in a pit and out of it, is different for everyone.

Without sugarcoating it, I am giving you the truth of the pit from my experience.

The pit affected me: mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I kept denying that I was in a pit. I kept telling myself I was just grieving the experiences from the year.

But no matter how much I put on the “happy face,” how much I would decorate my cubicle at work with bible verses, how much inspirational books I bought, perfumes, music, wine, and even cigarettes…

I could not get myself to feel like myself. It felt like a strange out-of-body experience. Like it wasn’t me living my life.

It was then I knew that what I was going through wasn’t a depression, but it was just hard reality, and I didn’t take it so well.

I actually prayed one night, and in the middle of my prayers I actually questioned God, I actually point blank said, “ What the hell, God? Why are you letting me feel this way?”

Before that prayer, I couldn’t get myself to pray normally, I couldn’t be honest with Him.

It was a real hard thing to take in.

What I want to say is it wasn’t just one particular thing that threw me into the pit.  It was life events in general, and they seemed to just topple over me, and it broke me.

Broken is  a good thing to be though. I didn’t know at the time, but I do now.

I did a Bible study called, “ Breaking Free,” last year, and it was to help us “ break free” of the things that hold us captive from our past, that still haunt our minds.

What happened for me though; I did break free, but it didn’t mean that I was free of all these things that had haunted me from my past, it just meant they were not sitting in the darkness inside me anymore,

that they were instead broken pieces of a puzzle on the floor.

And I had no clue how to begin to put those pieces back together.

I was in the pit due to obedience, due to doing everything God had told my heart to do, and in the end of this, when I quit whining to God, and just accepted that there was a bigger picture to everything that is when I was able to get out of it. It was due to humility, knowing I didn’t know better, and he has a bigger plan for my life then I could ever imagine.

And let me tell ya, misery loves company, because there were a few people in my life who tried to “relate” to what I was feeling, when really they weren’t looking for a solution, but instead wanted someone to feel exactly what they did inside, their deep unresolved pain, and keep making me feel it, day in and day out.

And I know this was a plot of the enemy, because he doesn’t want to see God’s children know they are free. He wants to try to make our minds hold us captive.

But like I said this wasn’t meant to be a message, just truth, and I want to say that God has blessed me so much in my life, the opportunities, and the people I’ve been able to meet…I would never have been able to have it happen on my own. God knows my heart; He knows the desires of it.

And though I don’t always like that he doesn’t let me get my way, I do know that He has purpose in everything, and to just be patient, because He will shower me blessings upon blessings, and I just need to remind myself daily of that and so do you.

He is for us.

LSOF: I’m back!!!

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Hi everyone!!!

I just had to stop in to say hello, and ask how’s life? :)

I can’t even tell you how happy my fingers are to hit this computer keyboard.
It’s funny, because I use a computer all day at work…
this is just different.

I love my little blog, and I love to share with just everyday steps of faith with you,
and just ramble…I do that best.

I do believe that something divine kept me from communicating on this blog, and for a good almost two weeks I also had no voice, and for one whole day…I had no iphone to text.

I believe it was purpose of helping me to understand the perspective of the pit.

I will help you to do that to in the coming posts.

So let me get my brain organized a little, and then you shall find a post soon!

Hope y’all are well-

angie

 

 

The Untitled Ramblings Of Me

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The Untitled Ramblings of Me

Took a look back at life
Realized how many people have been
Like passings strangers
They have their say, they might show a new dance to the routine of the journey, but if I noticed where the voice was coming from or who the tap shoes belonged to.
Then they disappeared quickly from sight.
They all wanted to have their say, they all danced the streets of life a different way.
Some decided their journey was better, even though deep inside they felt as if they walked a maze.
And many times I became as lost as they have been.
And many times I started to speak like them.

But in all of those I met who have disappeared from sight.
I was able to see more of me, discover my voice, and the way my feet could dance.

My voice is my own.
My dance has it’s own beat.

My journey is clearer to me more everyday.