” Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. “
One thing my Pastor mentioned on Sunday was how sometimes our prayer life starts to be more about us, and that sometimes we pray for God to answer the requests of what we want for our lives;
plans, hopes, dreams..
How selfish can we be?
As you know, God has taken me through a major transition-
and He has given homework.
This is my homework to ” GIVE BACK.”
For so long I lived with ” codependency”, I wanted everyone to be there when I needed them to be there,
and most friendships were one-sided.
I controlled people in my life.
So when God brought me through this transition, I have to tell you at first, I really didn’t think I still had a problem, I thought a couple years of counseling made all that go away.
I realized I was wrong.
When I started to be taken seriously with my faith; I knew then it was about to get heavy.
Siestas, I know you know that I have been through a lot, and it is often easy to just sit down and throw myself, a little ” Pity party”. but it is definitely no way to live.
When you live that way; You ALWAYS need people.
And the moment you decide to show you have a heart, and ask about someonelse the response is usually quick.- they don’t want you to know how they are, or what’s going on in their life; mostly because they don’t believe you actually would achieve sincerity. Most of the time, that is true.
I don’t know the moment that actually brought me to this point of knowledge this summer, but I do know deep down; I felt horrible inside.
It is what codependency is, the heart of it. No one exists but your issues, and YOU daily drowning in them.
And if we lead that kind of lifestyle, more than likely, we have that kind of faith.
What we want, when we want it.
When I came to this realization, the first thing I wanted to do was just let go of everyone in my life, that I felt I had ever been unfair to.
God quickly took the remote control from me.
He said that I didn’t need to do that. Just because I felt horrible about myself, didn’t mean the same view was from every direction. And even if it was; He was God, He would take care of it.
I got an email this morning, from one of those dear people I tried to just erase from my life; Her words went something like this;
” I apologize that I can not be the kind of friend you always need.”
I had to respond to this; because I don’t want her to be the kind of friend I always need, I want to be the kind of friend that she needs.
I know I will probably have similar email responses from others, but I am prepared for it.
The other thing that God brought to my heart was that I had to give those people time to accept the transition, just as I have.
And just as I have, as it has been hard for me to accept, it will be for them as well.
My Great Aunt had surgery done on both her knees, and this morning I called her. She answered the phone apologizing for not calling me back.
I replied to her that I just called to see how she was; no matter what; I said I would do that.
Truthfully my sisters, this life is not about us in ANY sense.
God wants us to enjoy it, because He created it.
but there is much more to it then that.
As you know, my Pastor’s wife has had a great deal of influence over me, so this story sticks out in my mind when it comes to the subject of God’s unconditional love.
There was a photo of her hugging this old man who lost his home during Hurricane Katrina, my church was up there for missions; But the smile on his face spoke to me loud and clear.
She didn’t know this old man, and he had nothing to give her, and she wasn’t hugging him so God would bless another area of her life…she just did it all because she wanted him to see Jesus.
I believe that day, He did.
My best friend Cally and I went to visit my grandma the other day; and I am usually pretty quiet when we go, but not her, she will encourage someone until they smile, or she gets blue in the face. Cally hardly knows my grandmother, but wanted to just let her know how special she was all the same.
I admit I have done a lot of encouraging in the past, but I can’t promise that it was all sincere.
God never said for us to love so others would love us back, He just said to love.
He tried this on me a year ago; talk about a test.
I was leaving my friends house, and remembered God told me I needed to pray for her earlier that day. Of course, I went up to her and asked if there was anything I could pray for her, and her response was, ” No, I’m okay.” so I got in my car, and started to drive away, when I heard loud and clear from my heart, ” I never told you to ask if she needed prayer, I told you to pray.”
I have a lot to learn when it comes to submission to anything lol.
I am ready though; and I know the journey ahead will probably be rough,
but when God’s leading the way, its probably the safest way to go:)