In Disciple last night, we learned about two different kinds of Psalms: Praise and Lament.
So I thought I would pour out my own heart here, and show you one of lament, which is always so much easier to write then praise.
Psalm of my Heart
Before I close my eyes to rest
I am reminded how much you love me,
You comfort my tears
as my anxiety dwells over my heart.
You tell me to look forward to dreaming,
today already has passed,
No sense on looking towards what has been
For you’ve tucked it away in a secret place.
My life is in your hands,
Lord, this I know.
But sometimes I feel like it is safer to keep somethings
even from you.
Help me dear Lord, to overcome the things
that are of no help to my well-being,
that are no help to who I am supposed to be.
You’ve told me that I can do all things
most of the time I believe that,
but sometimes my faith is not as strong
as I’d like it to be
facing that obstacle.
I’m good with you,
this I do know.
Even though at times I feel like I am closer
to kissing the ground
then reaching for the sky,
still you see me,
and just bring your peace
settling my insecurties at hand.
Lord, help me to put on the armor daily,
help me to move passed what I feel
and move in to what I know to be true.
I feel sometimes living for you alone,
is out of reach for me,
that I wasn’t meant for this,
that I don’t fit in with others that love you.
I breathe imperfection,
and the looks I get sometimes
make me wonder if I should even bother trying so hard.
But you know me Lord,
You know me so well,
and you love me for who I am.
I know this about you,
but I don’t know it about anyonelse,
and yet I walk this world.
Maybe if I closed my eyes to the day,
thoughts of being invisible,
I wouldn’t see so many eyes,
so many shovels digging at my mind…
Breaking me apart,
piece by piece,
trying to get me to the destruction point.
They know not what they do,
but you know what they do,
how does it make you feel
to see your child in such pain?
I feel as if sometimes I should not even speak
because judgement is always
lurking around the corner,
and not good enough,
is always right behind me…
Something is always there surrounding me,
keeping me from really living..
Extinguish things O Lord,
that I can not destroy on my own,
keep me from suffering,
I want not to grieve this anymore.
You are God,
this is what you do.