I couldn’t help, but not title this devotional ” Sacrificing Our Footprints Part 2″, because
indeed, everything that has happened in the last few months…
is all about that!
I will start by saying even though I was so excited about being the Youth ministry prayer leader,
that inside I was screaming in anxiety, because I had no idea how I would be able to give equally to everything in my life right now.
I have school, the word doesn’t sound so bad, but ” school” it really is this place that when you see the building first thing in the morning, you wonder after all my classes today,
” Will I come out alive?”
Then I was sort of freaking out about my boyfriend and I, he goes away from week to week, so when he is here; he wants to spend time and talk to me, and it would be great to have the time that is conveinant for him too….but it never works out that was for more then a few hours….
Then there’s Walmart…I walk in the door, and feel like all of life has then been suffocated in me, that I have to become this, ” Customer Service Happy” person; even when I am holding something real heavy and someone stops me to ask a question…(never fails), I also quite enjoy pulling a pallet and how a customer will ALWAYS walk in front of me….and then when I am stocking the shelves…ALWAYS seems to push me out of the way so they can get by…
And then we come down to church….and yesterday morning is where I stood there when I got out of the car, and I looked at the parking lot, and the people, and I said to myself…
” How can I possibly add this too?”
I went to the Prayer Center, and began to pray, and just told God that I did not know how He would have me do so much….because I was feeling I wasn’t going to handle it all that well.
See, the Prayer Leader….its a major position. Not only am I praying for the students, but I am praying for our staff too, and anything that they need prayer in…
But the whole reason why to me personally, the position is such a big responsibility, not only is it amazing that its gift from the Holy Spirit, but it is also something that I have stepped up to do after my own mentor. Which would be the last position I thought I would ever be last to do.
So then after praying and reading, I saw my mentor, and the second she asked how I was doing,
” I am freaking out.”
You have to understand, I used to do this sort of thing to her when I was much younger, but this time I felt it was important to just talk about it, to someone that had already been where I am.
Someone who discipled me to be where I am now.
This is where I kinda say about the whole ” Sacrificing our footprints”, because she had already done that in her life, and the dust fell on me to then do the same.
In a few minutes we talked about everything, covered any of it that was overwhelming me.
And the cool part about it was, even though it was still just as much as before, with an exception on dropping a course, I felt ten times better about it.
I think because she helped me figure out the priorities.
Church: God will always help us make the time to do what we are called to do, and He will always let us know when He will have us move on to do somethingelse.
School: It is just something that has to be done, it doesn’t last forever.
Work: Just give what I can, and go.
Mark: If he intends to stay apart of my life, then I make it a point to let him know there
are priorites that are ahead of him that are more important to me.
Mark says he wants to marry me, after a month, I am sure he’d say that. But I think he just sees me, who I am as a person, not so much the life that is around me.
I think he has no clue what he is getting himself into.
So talking yesterday, and praying about it, I know in my heart I don’t want anything added into my life that I am not sure God is ready for me to take on.
I believe God brought Mark into my life, but I also believe he brings with him his own baggage, as I have mine in my past.
I have gone through the therapy thing, and medicine…for years.
He never has, and I see how he deals with somethings, and there is violence and things he shouldn’t be doing…
I told him yesterday that he needs to get himself right with God, not with me.
So there, that is my rant.
I wanted to be more devotional about it, and maybe you got something out of it, maybe you didn’t.
But this is what happens when you sacrifice where you have been, to get to where you are at the moment you are now…
Chaos I tell you.
But then there is Jesus….
The only peace we will ever have that surpasses all understanding!