Psalm 32:7 –
You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
I found myself in a swell of tears after watching this movie called, ” The Bee Season”, if you haven’t seen it, definitely rent it, but it only half to do with the movie.
Something you’ll find many times as a Christian, is there are ” triggers” that throw you back to the memory of your stronghold.
And I use the word MEMORY with emphasis!
Once you are healed, you hand it to God, you ARE healed!
Something I have been dealing with in this season of my life, is the ” remembering” process, but I have been drenchted by it.
I am being forced to deal with things, I don’t think about, because it triggers that pain of the past.
You know what I mean.
One of the things that triggered something, was while my mom and I were watching this movie, there is apart showing the mom doing her own thing, instead of watching her child’s performance.
My mom commented on this, ” She isn’t sick, she should be there for her daughter.”
” That is my deepest regret in this life, not being there for you guys to see you in all your school things.”
I felt the raging waters of tears sing from my feet and make their way up to my eyes, but I swallowed it, and kept it in.
Why did she have to say that? And right then?
And the other thing I am dealing with is my love for Mark. I really do love him, and I am sure of it, but there is apart of my heart that is afraid to breakthrough; the wall is high and it is thick, and I don’t believe I have ever let anyone in completely.
But the challenge presents itself…
I went into my room as soon as the movie was over, and I put on my Selah cd; you know there are sometimes where you are just feeling a certain cd…today it was ALL them:)
Man, did I cry, and cry…but I think I needed to.
I visioned walking up to Jesus, in our secret place, and he picked me up and I saw myself as a young child with my thumb in my mouth(which I don’t think I ever did), and my head rested on His shoulder, and He carried me.
Everything around us was so bright and so beautiful, and it was the most comforting peace.
Then I saw my grandfather, and Jesus carried me over to him, and we all walked together.
I think back now, and believe the reason I hold my grandpa in such esteem, is because he never said anything that ever made me feel different about myself, he never said the words, ” You should have done this.” or ” Maybe if you were more like this.” or ” What are you wearing?”
I really loved the person he was, because he kept to himself, he was who he was whether or not anyone cared.
I remember one time a stranger called me on the phone, I was about six years old, and mom was in the bathroom.
He asked me, ” Hi, who am I talking to?”
and I told him, ” Angela”
He asked me, ” Do you like Simon says?”
and I told him, ” I wasn’t sure”
He asked me, ” Where is your mom?”
and I told him, ” other room”
He asked me, ” Okay, well then we can play our game.”
and I told him, ” I had to go.”
I told my grandpa the next day about it, and these were his words.
” If anyone ever asks you who you they are talking to when you answer, you simply say,
” I know who I am, but who the hell are you.”
He was a wise old man lol.
Jesus is our hiding place though, somedays its hard to hide, because we feel like we can take control of whatever we are dealing with, but ultimately, only He can.