I do have a prayer journal that I write in, but somehow I just feel led to write this out on the world wide web…wow.
Before I begin I just want to say that I’m in a season right now where I literally feel like shattered puzzle pieces on the floor.
I have no idea where anything would even begin to be put together.
So this might come out as poem form, I really don’t know…but I’m sharing it regardless, and my hope is that maybe your heart can relate, and if not…maybe you can just read my words quietly and think of what you might be going through right now.
I’m frazzled. I’m at my wits end. I feel like I woke up this morning and it was the first time I realized the sky was blue. I feel like this whole last 29 yrs of my life have been a mystery even to me. I woke up today not sure if I know who I truly am on the inside, I woke up today wondering if I even know truly who You are…But I got up anyway. I went to bible study, and I talked about the broken pieces, I talked about how I’m shattered on the inside…I talked about that I don’t have it together.
And as I spoke and tears fell on my cheeks..I looked around to see that I wasn’t alone. I knew at that moment Lord as each woman spoke up about their own struggles with you, and their own broken pieces…it was as if we were all holding the puzzle pieces in our hands. It was as if we were sharing with one another what those pieces looked like. We were supposed to be doing prayer time, but somehow our hearts were too heavy to do anything but talk it all out. Some went on for five minutes some for ten…but it was clear in my soul as well as everyonelse…we were ready to break free, because you got brokethrough Lord! I felt like you had walked through the room placing your hand on our shoulder, and wiping the tears from our eyes.
I don’t remember in my lifetime ever feeling like I had finally, ” got it”.
Mom sent me an email about how sometimes what we plan on doing our entire life may not be what you want us to do, and what we think it is that we won’t enjoy in life..is where you say, ” That’s what I want you to do.”
I know now I need to take my hand off of my life. I need to let you lead me in every step that I take. It is those little steps of faith that keep me going Lord. And I mess up, some days I am a rollercoaster, and some days I am just floating on a stream of peace, but regardless I think what I finally have in my mind is that you are in complete control.
At all times. If I know that, if I BELIEVE that every little bit each day…then my plan will disappear out of my hands altogether.
And I will finally be walking your road.