Sometimes I have to be almost in tears before words fall on paper. This post has been one of those times.
It hits really close to my heart.
I feel like the road to healing for me has been a long one. But it’s not to say that I haven’t learned a lot over the journey.
I think a lot of it was that I thought I could just pretend that I was alright, and that if I just kept saying it then I would eventually be healed.
Not the case.
I mean I had some amazing and wonderful things happen, but as appreciative as I am.
I don’t think I really experienced it the way I would have wanted to.
And some people did some wonderful things for me, but my grieving shielded the joy.
I mentioned in the blog post before this one briefly about change, and how hard it was to take in.
When you experience a lot of loss in a short period of time, its often hard to adjust and move on from the place you are. I wanted so much to just hold on to the past, and all I remembered. I didn’t want to accept that my life really had changed around me.
I have been in shock since May 2010, and the end of May 2011, I started to finally feel like I was living in my body again.
We have to be careful that we don’t become numb to what happens to us, or close to us.
All of last year, I felt like I was trying to find my place, that I didn’t have people around me that really knew me anymore.
And the most recent thing that happened a few months ago, it is actually what truly helped me to make
the decision to write a book about Perception…
I had a friend who truly lived such a different life from my own that it actually created such a high wall around her, that was too hard to keep reaching out to her. But I had to come and accept that only God could break down that wall. So I walked away and started writing.
I understand now how perception really affects and will shape how we lead our lives.
It is almost an illness in itself, when we become obsessed with how we view everything,
anything we need to be healed from becomes a monster.
And we feel powerless.
So that’s the cry of my heart, to help people to know that if you want to be healed of something, to be free of it, you have to make that decision to trust God. REALLY trust Him. You have to make the decision also…
that you want healing.
I was laying in bed after praying last night, and for the first time in awhile, I realized I felt safe.
Maybe that sounds crazy, but I really felt like God has His hand over my life, that I’m protected and He sees me exactly where I am.
And through healing my perception I will see the world in a whole different light.
And so will you.
I was writing a friend the other day who has gone through a similar year.
But I loved the end of the email, and I wanted to share it because it holds so much truth,
“Just keep praying and asking God to guide your path and he will, He always has and he always will.”