It’s been awhile since I’ve really had time to sit down and write a post. Especially concerning this subject.
I thought I would write a post on the perception of a pit and have a series, but my heart is telling me to just write without trying to give a message. I think the way we get in a pit and out of it, is different for everyone.
Without sugarcoating it, I am giving you the truth of the pit from my experience.
The pit affected me: mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I kept denying that I was in a pit. I kept telling myself I was just grieving the experiences from the year.
But no matter how much I put on the “happy face,” how much I would decorate my cubicle at work with bible verses, how much inspirational books I bought, perfumes, music, wine, and even cigarettes…
I could not get myself to feel like myself. It felt like a strange out-of-body experience. Like it wasn’t me living my life.
It was then I knew that what I was going through wasn’t a depression, but it was just hard reality, and I didn’t take it so well.
I actually prayed one night, and in the middle of my prayers I actually questioned God, I actually point blank said, “ What the hell, God? Why are you letting me feel this way?”
Before that prayer, I couldn’t get myself to pray normally, I couldn’t be honest with Him.
It was a real hard thing to take in.
What I want to say is it wasn’t just one particular thing that threw me into the pit. It was life events in general, and they seemed to just topple over me, and it broke me.
Broken is a good thing to be though. I didn’t know at the time, but I do now.
I did a Bible study called, “ Breaking Free,” last year, and it was to help us “ break free” of the things that hold us captive from our past, that still haunt our minds.
What happened for me though; I did break free, but it didn’t mean that I was free of all these things that had haunted me from my past, it just meant they were not sitting in the darkness inside me anymore,
that they were instead broken pieces of a puzzle on the floor.
And I had no clue how to begin to put those pieces back together.
I was in the pit due to obedience, due to doing everything God had told my heart to do, and in the end of this, when I quit whining to God, and just accepted that there was a bigger picture to everything that is when I was able to get out of it. It was due to humility, knowing I didn’t know better, and he has a bigger plan for my life then I could ever imagine.
And let me tell ya, misery loves company, because there were a few people in my life who tried to “relate” to what I was feeling, when really they weren’t looking for a solution, but instead wanted someone to feel exactly what they did inside, their deep unresolved pain, and keep making me feel it, day in and day out.
And I know this was a plot of the enemy, because he doesn’t want to see God’s children know they are free. He wants to try to make our minds hold us captive.
But like I said this wasn’t meant to be a message, just truth, and I want to say that God has blessed me so much in my life, the opportunities, and the people I’ve been able to meet…I would never have been able to have it happen on my own. God knows my heart; He knows the desires of it.
And though I don’t always like that he doesn’t let me get my way, I do know that He has purpose in everything, and to just be patient, because He will shower me blessings upon blessings, and I just need to remind myself daily of that and so do you.
He is for us.