LSOF: My 30th Year

I cannot even fathom the fact I am turning 31 yrs old in 2 days…It is just quite unbelievable. When you are young you think of turning 16 then 21…but you never really think about turning 30.
People who are 30 are mature, they drink cosmopolitans, go to bed early, they pay attention to wrinkle cream, and the slight grey hairs they find.
I guess you could consider me mature, but maybe that word is like using the word ” normal” to describe someone, is there an actual true definition out there?
If you know, then I guess you are mature. 🙂
I drink occasionally some moscato, because it rocks, I stay up way past my bedtime, and I pretend I don’t have wrinkles, and I douse my hair in blonde streaks just so I can’t tell there were any grey hairs present.
I’m the anti-30 year old…
So who will I be at 31?
I guess to begin to think about that, I have to think about not just all the things I did as a 30 yr old, but WHO I became during that age.

Last November, it was interesting. It was a month of full awakening for me. I learned things about my past I didn’t really want to, and I found myself in an all out war with myself. I wanted to keep denying that I had a past, and my present would not allow me to.
I was in conversation with someone who related much to my own life, and we spent some long and drawn out time just focusing on the ” what was” instead of the ” what is” moments in our lives. Before long I found myself drowning in a sea of past regrets, and memories that had no business living in my present.

30 yrs old, felt like it took 30 yrs…if you get my drift.

However, its not to say that there wasn’t a lot of awesomeness that was apart of this past year.

In December I got to go to Birmingham, spend some time with amazing friends like sweet Fran , and pray with sweet Jan, and was surprised with some time to have coffee with Amanda,who is Beth Moore’s daughter and close to the kindest person on earth, I was so blessed by that time…I’ve never spoken about it on my blog until now. I think, because she is currently with Compassion in Equador that it was important to share for a moment just how kind she is, and how big of a heart that she has. It was time that I will definitely “treasure” always.

Between the months of Feb-May life was rough, I had fallen deep in the pit. I think it was due to the fact that I had not accepted that my past couldn’t live in the present, and that I could not hold onto it like a security blanket. It had to go, and so did some of the people who wanted to keep it around. My pit was due to obedience, but I looked back too much to my past and wondered the “what ifs”-

I was given ” Visioneering” as a gift from Andy Stanley, and it is probably the most amazing books I’ve ever read, and so meets me where I am from crawling out of the pit to this present moment.

The most awesome moments of this last year was the most recent; and that was my trip to Colorado.

I’ll post more about the trip soon…my heart has a lot to take in.
My heart was so very blessed though with my time with: Holly who just started writing for ” Praise and Coffee” and is such a sweet lady, Joanne who is probably the strongest and yet gentle person I could know and Kate who is always up for listening to be babble, and is an amazing person all around.

But what I will say is that God has made me so much more humble then ever in my life, and he has gotten my stubborn self to get up and do something that is going to make a difference in some way, shape or form.

He has made me focus that He is God, and without Him I am nothing, and that anything I want to do in this life will fall to pieces if I don’t let Him take full control.

As rough as 30 yrs old was for me, in more words than I could ever write…I can say I appreciate that I got to have that year, that it was a rough gift to hold, but it was one that was with true purpose.

I am 30 yrs old until 11-11-11…and always, I will be who God says that I am.

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